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Ten/Eleven. 

hobanwashburne:

This started out kind of cracky, but then got sort of legit. It also got very long, but I tend to get carried away. Enjoy.

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Ollie, just let me love you down.

Bunk Beds, Fivey being mentioned and Eleven bottoming? Oh, it’s a dream come true!

fuckyeahmenfolk:

From the LGBT community on Reddit:

“Things Straight/Cisgendered People Just Don’t Understand”

 

1) Making jokes or pithy statements about sexual orientation and gender identity can hit some of us pretty hard because, for some of us, it deals with insecurities and issues we’ve dealt with for years or sometimes decades. We’re usually not trying to be touchy or hyper-reactive, it’s just that, for some of us, our entire lives have been textured by our non-standard identities, which can make a small comment have a big effect.

2) Effeminate gay males aren’t weak. In fact, they often have an unmatched strength of character because they are the ones who can’t “pass” as straight and have had to, from a very early age, face the discrimination head on that others are able to hide from.

3) Being straight imbues you with a set of privileges in the same way that being white or wealthy does. It’s not something we begrudge you for, nor is it something you should feel bad about, but it often gets overlooked when people make direct analogues between the straight and queer experiences, often in the name of equality. Straight Pride isn’t the same thing as Gay Pride because the latter celebrates one’s ability to affirm their identity in the absence of privilege. It’s not that we don’t want you to have a strong identity centered around your sexuality or gender, it’s just that society has usually already given that to you, which isn’t really something to celebrate.

4) Some of us are religious. Some of us go to church and engage in fellowship with other believers of our faiths. Some of us pray to and worship our God with honesty and integrity, and our genders and sexualities deepen our faith rather than remove us from it.

5) Sexuality and gender are fluid and multi-dimensional. Attraction and identity are complex. We’ve settled on a small set of (often contested) labels for the ease of discourse and community, but among all people, straight and queer alike, there is a huge diversity of attractions and expressions and identifications. Two lesbian women may have completely divergent romantic interests just as two trans people might describe their genders in entirely different ways.

6) For many of us, our entire developmental existence has made us feel irregular, unrepresented, and ashamed. And again, it’s not that we’re thin-skinned, it’s that we’ve grown up in a world that has been full of people and images that are straight and gender-normative. We don’t have the same examples that you do for how to act and look and feel and love, so we often have to figure out on our own many of the things you’re able to take for granted (small anecdote: I was 17(!) when I first saw two guys kiss, and my only response was an astounded “guys can do THAT to each other?!?!”).

7) Shame can be a powerful thing, and so many of us have spent our entire lives growing up thoroughly shameful. When you see someone who is so obviously gay but won’t, for the life of them, come out, it’s either because you’ve got it wrong or because they’re a product of hurt and silence that has kept them from opening up. It’s hard for someone to break through that, especially on their own, and you’d be surprised at how long many of the out and proud individuals in your life spent hiding or denying the truth.

8) We often make our queer identities a huge part of our person, but that’s not the only part of us that we want you to know. All of us have passions and fears and pet-peeves and hopes. Some of us like making art projects and some of us love cheering on our favorite football team and some of us are working to become doctors so that we can save lives. And most of us would rather be your friend than just your gay friend, because most of us are more than /just/ queer.

Sex positivity and other lies on Tumblr 

sluthaditcoming:

queerwatch:

madamethursday:

I remember my first encounters with the sex positivity/sex positive movement, especially through the internet. I remember loving the basic principle of the thing: “Sex is awesome! No one should be ashamed of their sexuality or wanting sex! Let’s bring it out into the open so we can all enjoy a healthy, happy relationship with sex!”

I can get with that, really. 

But there was this lie in the whole thing, and the lie was told by blog after blog, webpage after webpage that talked a great game about how we can be open about sex, but seemed to equate sex with the nude bodies of thin, conventionally attractive, blonde white women in male-gaze centric pornography, as though if I really pushed myself to enjoy such titles as Biker Bitches 5 and clinically lit photoshoots of a woman with her legs in improbably acrobatic positions, I’d be making the world a better place. Because that’s what the world needed, more people to applaud the open display of sculpted bodies as though somehow, that would liberate my fat, pansexual ass from the confines of sexual oppression. As though the ways in which society has pushed at me and pushed at me, telling me to keep my fat ass covered and my queer thoughts to myself is the same as what society tells a 5’8, 110 lbs,  straight, white woman with no disabilities. Because it isn’t. 

People have been celebrating the sexualities of attractive white people for centuries. In fact, I’d say if there were ever a time when people’s discomfort towards sex dissipates and they’re willing to accept, tolerate, and engage with sexual content is WHEN it comes in the form of these bodies, these pre-approved forms. 

We actually accept a lot of sex in our society. We accept Victoria’s Secret ads and commercials, we don’t mind Calvin Klein giving us artsy black and white shots of picturesque, perfectly chiseled men in their underwear. Hell, we’ll even let those kinds of things get away with some homoerotic subtext. If two underwear models should be embracing themselves in their latest Victoria’s bra-and-panty set, we’re sort of okay with this. We accept movie after movie that might as well be porn without the money shot because the White Ingenue and White Hero Du Jour are in it. 

To pretend that the level or type of repression of sex is the same across the board, or that conventionally attractive, thin, able, cis, straight white people need the same amount of liberation as others is a lie and a slap in the face to those who know differently. 

I mean, just look at the shit the Lane Bryant ad got for something that Victoria’s Secret would’ve gotten no comment for. And can you imagine if they’d dared to use a dark-skinned model for that commercial, a fat Black woman or a fat Southeast Asian woman, or a fat transgendered non-white model? They probably wouldn’t have aired it at all. 

When’s the last time you saw anyone advertising non-GLBT products with obviously, openly GLBT models and themes? When’s the last time you saw a butch lesbian selling you toothpaste or a transman hocking insurance or a disabled person shilling laundry detergent? 

So when I take these things into account, I think of my experience with going through these “sex positivity” sites. 

I looked and looked in those sex positivity blogs and sites, in their pictures and stories and I didn’t find a lot of fat people (male or female), people of color, queer people. I have yet to find a mainstream sex positivity site (yes, this movement has a mainstream) that features transgendered people in all their beauty. Forget seeing disabled people displaying their various modes of sexuality. Forget seeing their bodies displayed as revolutionary and world-changing and an example of how sex is really, really awesome. 

I learned soon enough that most sex positivity is actually White Straight Thin Able Cisgendered Cissexual Positivity. 

And the world is already positive enough on those traits, thank you very much. 

I see so many blogs that are about how great sex is, showing sex, getting the great nudes and erotica and porn out there to the masses, showing it openly. 

But outside of blogs dedicated specifically to certain subsets of people (for instance, the fabulous fuckyeahblackdykes Tumblr or fuckyeahcurvygirls feed), the mainstream sex blogs are doing what mainstream sex blogs have always done. Teaching us that beautiful sex = white, thin, straight people. 

Worse yet, so many queer oriented blogs are so white, able, and cis that it hurts. I’m a pansexual/cisgender/cissexual person, and when I see these blogs I see the white, Western version of queerdom splattered across the screen. Occasionally I’ll see a white person with a partner who is non-white, but it’s rare. The usual ratio seems to be one to every fifty or so posts. Shots and stories and displays of people of color together, with no white persons involved, are limited to specialty feeds. 

And I have yet to see these sorts of “Fuckyeah[insert thing]” feeds focusing on disabled, queer people of color. I wouldn’t begin to hope to see disabled, queer PoC held up on the mainstream blogs and sites or even thought of. 

Why do I go on about all this? As though those who are aware don’t already know it and those who aren’t aware don’t want to deny it?

Because I’m tired of people defending porn, acting as though somehow I’m a sex negative person and a traitor to sexual liberties if I disdain and actively hate the U.S. porn industry that holds up “feminist” porn, or porn directed by a few women who have been trained in the male gaze as though it will appease me. As though women haven’t been repeating the sexist, male-centered messages we’re fed all our lives, as though most of these feminist directors aren’t white, able, cisgendered women who come with loads of their own prejudices. Women can oppress other women. And indeed, much of misogyny and rape culture in the U.S. is transmitted from woman to woman, from mother to daughter, friend to friend, sister to sister. So don’t tell me that because the person behind the camera has a vagina and ID’s as female that I should be impressed by a product that looks and feels exactly like what men put out. 

Because, honestly, it’s like telling me I should feel liberated as a pansexual woman because so many men enjoy seeing two women kiss each other for their pleasure and “lesbian” (ie - female-on-female for male pleasure) porn is popular . No, thanks. That’s not liberation, that’s control by other means. 

I’m tired of the lies. 

If you’re sex positive and you’re not making an active effort to include and celebrate all kinds of sexuality from all kinds of people? You’re a fucking liar. There it is. You’re a liar. 

Because sex positivity and body positivity and anti-racism and fat acceptance and the disability movement and queer positivity and womanism are part of the same thing. 

Same with any movement. Fat acceptance? If you’re only showing fat white people or fat able people or fat straight people, then you’re not fat accepting, you’re just white supremacy enforcing and trying to bring chubby people under that umbrella of dominance. 

I’m tired of the people who put up some Tumblr blogs and showcase the same old, same old and act like they’re part of a revolution. They’re not. They’re part of making sure that lots of other people know exactly who’s sex is celebrated and who’s isn’t.

So I say FUCK sex positivity. I want sex inclusivity.